Well, shit: they’re remaking Red Dawn. …

Well, shit: they’re remaking Red Dawn.

At first, this might seem like a nonsensical move: after all, the Evil Empire is dead and we have their space capsules. Nobody’s really afraid of everyone in North America speaking Russian anymore. But after some thinking, I’ve figured out the real purpose: to discredit gun owners!

See, the original Red Dawn caused all kindsa whackos to shoot off their mouths (figuratively) about, well, Kim, take it away:

Here are a couple of newsflashes:

  • The United Nations isn’t going to take over this country. Forget all those wet dreams about shooting down blue-painted helicopters or taking aim at blue-helmeted stormtroopers. The UN can’t even maintain order in West Africa; how much chance would they have in Alabama?
  • The United States isn’t going to be invaded: not by the Russians, not by the Chinese, and not by the Cubans either. There is not a single country or entity in this world which can even contemplate a full-scale invasion. Not gonna happen: the movie Red Dawn was just a movie, not the Prophecies of Nostradamus.
  • We’re not going to start shooting BATFE agents, either. That’s not going to work, so quit your childish dreams of 2A martyrdom. Yes, they act like total pricks a lot of the time; but the way to eliminate this horrible bunch of goons is by legislation, not by gunning them down as they bust down your front door.

Here’s the bottom line of all this kind of talk: it makes people uncomfortable. And I don’t mean current gun owners, either (although it certainly has done that, too).

The real problem is that if people who don’t already own a gun are confronted by some guy who says that “This here MagnaWingDinger is guaranteed to go right through a blue helmet at 300 yards”, the net result is that the prospective owner will believe that gun owners are just like they’re painted by the frothing liberals: a bunch of paranoid pitchforkers.

New Red Dawn, new wave of paranoid survivalist mouth-running (now with New & Improved YouTube!) and wham bam, everyone’ll think only fruit baskets and psychos own guns.

It’s ingenious!